Not too Late for Fall Gardening!

"Yes, hello there.  Mews here in the back trying to decide what to put in my containers to add some fall flair!  This was one of my summer designs-simple, but satisfying delicate red geraniums, creamy fat marigolds, dark pink zinnias, and a blackish green sweet potato vine.  Notice I'm not showing you what they look like now since they are-shall we say-past their prime and fixing to get ripped out and/or transplanted elsewhere.  For fall I'm thinking some dark orange coleus, festive orange and black pansies and some red fountain grass for movement. Sometimes, though, I have to just take what I can get at the nursery-you know how that goes this time of year.  Ah, how I long for that year-round Hawaiian garden!   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3h0aH0-lE4&feature=related

Wordy Wednesday

Today's wordy wednesday word is "hirsute."  I do love a good word, don't you?

The definition of hirsute (pronounced hersuit): having or being covered with often coarse hair.  I shall use the word in a sentence.  "The bellowing, swarthy, hirsute Irishman belched loudly and proceeded to fall off his bar stool."

Mr Mews Does Yoga

"I believe in Yoga they call this 'The Faceplant.' This gentleman appreciates the fine art of bodywork."

Mews Reviews Recipes

"I have purchased this small jewelery box for Constance Snodgrass in my likeness Quigley, in an attempt to woo her.  Now, all we have to do is decide on the perfect dinner-a menu she can't say no to.  I have created another recipe poll so that my friends can help me decide on an enticing meal."

"I'm sure Mrs Snodgrass will have a difficult time saying no to you this time Mews." 

Did Someone Say Croque Monsieur?

 "Yes," Mews says licking his paws. " A fancy way of saying ham and cheese?  Does it hit the spot after a long day or night tapping at the keys?  It does. Sometimes it's quite easy to make an old sandwich so delicious-all you need are the right ingredients.  Bread.  Yes.  Don't be cheap about the bread.  Only fresh baked French will do.  Thinly sliced quality ham and a good Swiss-Gruyere if you can wing it.  Toss an egg on top and you've got a breakfast sandwich, or a Croque Madam.  Ses delicieuses!    
http://www.williams-sonoma.com/recipe/baguette-with-french-ham-gruyere-and-cornichons.html

Mews Invites You to Celebrate Banned Books Week by Reading!

Mews invites you to celebrate banned books week by taking in a good read.  It doesn't have to be one of the banned books, but, he says, "It's always interesting to see what books are getting banned and why.  It's also a good idea for me to turn off the old laptop now and then and rest my eyes on some good old fashioned paper and ink."  Asked if he's read anything of interest lately he says, "Why yes.  Just picked up A Beautiful Blue Death by Charles Finch.  I must say it's proving to be quite an enjoyable historical whodunit."
  http://www.powells.com/

Dear Mrs Constance Snodgrass...

"'Perhaps you didn't receive my last letter.'  No, no, that won't do.  'Dear Mrs Constance Snodgrass.  Your presence is requested for dinner and well-mannered conversation.  It's been a long time since we've been able to exchange pleasantries and thoughts on the activities of the building. Your eager host, Mr. Mews.'  There, invitation completed.  Now, what to cook? I shall need some help creating a new menu.  A dreary Sunday afternoon is just the day to spend pouring over recipes." http://www.epicurious.com/

Roasted Chicken with Thyme and Friends

"What's wrong Mews? You look agitated."

"Yes, yes I am.  Constance Snodgrass has rejected my invitation to dinner."

"What a rude shrew she can be," Quigley says hopping towards the oven.  Never mind her-more chicken for us!" 

"I shall try again, next week.  Perhaps her snobbery is a disguise for shyness," Mews says smearing the entire chicken with butter. 

"You are nothing if not persistent Mews.  Now let's get this fat bird into the oven!"http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Roast-Chicken

Did Someone Say Schmaltz?

Mews is awakened by a captivating scent wafting over from Horst's kitchen.

"Horst what on earth are you cooking?  It's heaven sent!" 

"Why Schmaltz, of course.  Yes, instead of wasting this chicken fat, I cut it up, fry it and use the rendered fat to cook my special home fries.  I also use it to saute vegetables and it's great for a roux."

"I've been using olive oil so long I've actually forgotten there is another way to cook!  It's unhealthy, no, all that fat?  Isn't Schmaltz a fancy way of saying lard?"  Horst shakes his head and frowns.

"Like anything, moderation Mews.  You want schmaltz?  You should try schmaltz.  Here's a good recipe: http://www.saveur.com/article/Recipes/Schmaltz

Horst Succumbs to Paranoia

"Did you hear that Mews?"  Mews turns and shakes his head.

"I'm afraid I didn't hear anything Horst.  Why don't you take a seat-I'm brewing you a cup of herbal tea to calm your nerves."

"Oh, good, yes.  I'm afraid I just haven't been the same since I received that note Mews.  I've never been the victim of such untoward prejudice.  Say, how is your investigation coming Mews?"

"Yes, well, it's coming Horst.  Here, to take your mind off matters I've found you some Muppets in your mother tongue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j40o9bDxeP0&feature=related

Mews in Doubt: Taking the Road Less Traveled. And Then Some.

"I could've moved to New York.  Los Angeles.  London. And then some to pursue my writing.  Yet the tall firs of Oregon are my lanky muses, the soggy, sweet air my sanguine refuge. I wonder-if ever-that my sane, quiet voice will be heard in this motley wilderness.  Still, sometimes, another says it best.  Might I remind you of Robert Frost, a great mind and a greater writer, and a gentleman who shall not be forgotten;  'A civilized society is one which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful sanity.' Chew on that my friends.  Chew.  And listen to this if you have a moment;" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3esjTgR2W2E&feature=related

Mews Rants Against Daytime Television

"Mews, what on earth could have you so riveted?  I must say that unearthly glow on your face is a little unnerving.  I've never known you to watch daytime television."

"Just checking in with what the masses are filling their heads with Quigs.  And I must say, it looks rather bleak.  Look at this doctor-so far he's advised me to drink a glass of water with my coffee so that I don't get dehydrated.  Really!  Now wouldn't a real doctor be at a hospital, oh, I don't know, doctoring!  And take a look at those faces in the audience.  What a bunch of unthinking saps.  I'll tell you one thing, Quigs.  You will never catch me letting some egotistical hack tell me what to drink with my coffee!"

"Of course Mews, of course."

"Now pass me a little Jameson 12 yr.  Now THAT goes with my coffee, Quigs!"    http://www.thebuenavista.com/irishcoffee.html

How to Make a Perfect Cup of Black Tea

"A perfect cup of tea begins with-of course-good quality tea.  Tea is not something you want to be "cheap" about otherwise you'll get that bitter, gut wrenching ache after two sips.  Even the moderately expensive teas like Twinings and Tazo are good provided they are fresh!

*Now that you've got your good fresh tea it's time to get the water running.  Only fresh, cold water will do!  

*While you're bringing the cold fresh water to a boil, warm up your mug or your teapot with hot water and let it heat up.  If you are using a teabag your tea is already measured for you.  If you have loose tea, about one teaspoon per cup should do.

*It's time to get the ball rolling!  Empty the water from your warm mug add the tea and the just boiled water.  If this seems elementary it is, but each basic step is important to perfect tea and temperature is crucial.  Steeping time is your preference-I should insist that you never steep for more than five minutes.  I prefer about three.  Cream, sugar?  Yes, of course.  One lump or two?  Sit back, enjoy and reflect.  Here's a most soothing how to clip with a well-mannered Brit:"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ooT1Hl3mks

Introducing Mr Mews New Recipe Poll

Mr Mews is a busy gentleman and he doesn't always have the time to spend musing over recipes (not to mention the fact that he is "in between" cooks and has to do all the preparation himself until he finds a new chef-which may take some time).  Perhaps you can help by selecting a recipe from the side bar underneath his profile.  He does trust and hold his gentle readers in the highest of regards, after all!                           

Mews is at a Loss for Words

"Why the face Mews?"  Quigley asks as he drops two ham and Gruyere crepes down onto the counter.  "I hope you're hungry for brunch-these crepes are excellent and quite filling.

"Oh, I'm fine, just having a bit of a time composing this invitation to Mrs Snodgrass.  Normally, I would have completed such a mundane task in a heartbeat-but I'm finding myself at a loss for words.  It feels a bit disingenuous to invite her over only to pick her brain for information."
  
"Mews, I thoroughly understand.  However, a gentleman's tasks are not always easy.  Don't over analyze this Mews.  You know it needs to be done.  Now, take a break and enjoy this crepe-I bought it from Perierra Crepes on Hawthorne.  Delicieux!"
http://www.foodcartsportland.com/2009/05/10/perierra-creperie/

Cutlets, Muscat and Doubt

"Mmm.  Those herbed veal cutlets Quigley were simply manna from heaven.  It troubles me to mention, however, that the bread was dryer than a camel's toes-what on earth happened Quigs?  Your loaves are usually baked to perfection!"

"Yes, I'm sorry about that Mews.  Perhaps it's all that's happened this week.  I've been a little distracted."

"Well, I've a cure for that," Mews says pulling out a DVD and a small bottle of liquor with elan.  A glass of muscat and a movie should ease your troubled mind, no?"  Quigs nods takes a look at the movie title.

" 'Doubt?'  Isn't that the tale about a conflict between an accused priest and a prudish Meryl Streep?  Oh dear, don't we have something more on the lighter side of things Mews?  I'm already battling a gnawing case of acid reflux."  Mews smiles.

"Let's watch it.  I think it will give us some insight on this trouble with Horst.  All this finger pointing, all these prejudices and assumptions. I think it is just the movie for us gentlemen."

"Very well Mews, very well.  Hand me that Muscat at once though, won't you?"   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwfOJcdNZhA&feature=related

"What shall we have for dinner Quigs?  You said you were feeling like French bread and salad.  Yes, some light fare I think is in order.  I happen to have found several delicious salads from Bon Appetit to choose from.  Won't you take a look and decide which one sounds good to you Quigley."

"I will indeed Mews.  And if that is the biggest decision I have to make today then that sounds fine with me!"
http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/slideshows/2010/10/fall_salads_slideshow#slide=9

Mr Mews Week in Review

"Ah.  Time to myself-at last!  What a week my friends, what a week.  A new canine friend-Horst,  threatening notes, a peevish Quigley, a new bouillabaisse.  For a retired gentleman I've certainly got my hands full!  Much to muse over, much to muse over.  Still, at the top of my list-getting to the bottom of this Horst issue.  Quigley is faster to point fingers than I, but I must consider Mrs Snodgrass as a prime suspect in the anti-canine campaign.  I shall invite her for dinner.  I'm simply dying to open this new Woodward Canyon Barbera that's been burning a hole in my wine rack.  http://www.woodwardcanyon.com/content.cfm?id=15

Horst is off to Oktoberfest!

"Yes, yes.  Yah, I'm fine Mews.  Very good of you to call.  I'm just finishing up a batch of sausages in honor of Oktoberfest (and yes, I admit, I've been indulging a little in some Pilsner).  In fact, I'll be visiting your local Oktoberfest here in Mount Angel, Oregon.  No, it won't exactly be Munich, but it'll be most entertaining-especially after my difficult week.  I'm especially looking forward the Wiener dog races.  Can you imagine!  What's that Mews?  Yes, danke schon.  And you have an excellent weekend as well Mews."   http://www.mtangel.org/

Mews Rounds up the Usual Suspects

"As your most trusted friend Mews, I assure you I know nothing of this plot to rid the building of Horst and the Basement Brothers we have yet to meet.  Frankly, Mews, I'm a little offended that you might link me to this disgraceful behavior."

"I by no means aim to accuse you Quigley of actually writing such a note.  I know you better than that.  I am simply inquiring as you know the buzz around the Laurelhurst neighborhood, no?"

"Of course.  I do get about and I do have my own suspicions Mews.  It has come to my attention that Old Mrs Snodgrass has recovered from her illness and seems to be reinvigorated with a fresh dose of spite and ire!" 

"Indeed," Mews says taking in a waft of late summer air.  "Constance Snodgrass...I thought for sure this latest illness might have done that bitter old pill in!  Now, let's take our minds of this wretched matter and watch a little Casablanca Quigs."
   
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDhGS4EJS8M

Horst Receives a Threatening Letter

"Horst, yes do come in.  Won't you follow me to the kitchen-I've got a bouillabaisse simmering and I've forgotten to add the orange rind."

"It smells heaven sent-Yah, I had such a lovely dinner last night and it pains me to bother you now with my unfortunate news Mews."  Horst takes a seat looking glum.

"Oh dear, has something happened?"  Mews asks after tasting his broth.  Horst pulls a piece of paper out from his sweater and hands it to Mews.   

"I received this under my door this morning."  Mews takes the note and reads it: "Get lost dog!  Go back to Bavaria!"  Mews shakes his head and takes a seat as Horst continues.  "Like I said, I hate to bother you with this but I feel quite shaken and honestly, I feel a little frightened.  Do you have any idea who might be behind this?" 

"Hmm.  I'm not sure.  But I'm going to get to the bottom of this, Horst.  This note is not representative of my building and indeed, my city of Portland.  I shall do some sniffing around and get to the bottom of this vexing mystery.  In the meantime, pull up a chair.  I shan't allow you to leave tonight without some stew and some reassuring companionship."

"Mews, you are quite the gentleman.  I must say if it weren't for you I might be packing up my bags."

http://www.streetdirectory.com/food_editorials/cooking/seafood_recipes/bouillabaisse_a_mediterranean_fish_stew.html

Mews invites Horst to Dinner

"No, those fish won't do.  They're much too small.  I shall send for some tuna steaks and make a pepper and caper vinaigrette.  I best get some late summer grilling in before the Portland rains come and all a gentle cat has to do is mope on the windowsill and pray for a ray of sun.
  
But I digress-dinner.  I do hope that Quigley does not view his lack of an invite to dinner with Horst and myself as an affront.  I believe that it's for the best that Quigs is "left out" until I suss out this Horst character and make sure he isn't a spy or worse-a birder.  Here's the recipe, oh it looks tasty indeed:
http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2006/07/grilled-tuna-and-peppers-with-caper-vinaigrette    

Quigley is Agitated and not Amused

"Mews.  I must say your reckless behavior has me in a state.  Yet, I'm curious, of course.  Tell me about your dinner with this Horst character.  I see that you not only survived the dinner in one piece but that you genuinely seem entertained."

"Yes, Quigs, it was quite an event.  Horst pulled out the punches-the wurst was..."

"Yes, enough about the food.  Do tell what actually transpired.  What indeed were the beast's intentions?"

"Well, I'm afraid I might let you down my friend.  Nothing out of the ordinary actually transpired.  I do believe that the beast-Horst-was only looking to make a friend in the building."  Quigley ruffles his feathers and offers a keen eye towards Mews. 

"Okay, Mews, fine.  And fair enough.  Now I have a question for you.  And it is this.  How large is this beast-sorry-fellow?"

"Well, if you must ask.  And I do say this is not the question I was expecting, but since you ask I do believe I outweigh the canis lupis familiaris about two pounds."

"Okay, good, yes, fine and good.  This information eases my troubled mind.  And by the way, this individual decidedly does not look Bavarian.  Does not this arouse your suspicions Mews?"

"Of course, of course, Quigs.  But a gentleman cannot be led around by the nose according to his suspicions lest he become a paranoid hermit, no?"

"I suppose you may have a point Mews.  Yet I'm not sure I recognize you anymore.  We will have to revisit this issue indeed.  Indeed!"

Mews is in for a Surprise

Mews holds his breath as he knocks at the apartment next door.  His worst suspicions are confirmed.

"Yes, hello, I am Horst.  It is very nice to meet you Mr Mews.  Do come in, yes, into the kitchen-I have to check on the spatzle-the wurst is almost done.  Would you care for a glass of Gerwurtztraminer while we wait?  I'm so glad you were able to respond to my invitation."  Mews nods and slowly enters the kitchen.  "Please do have a seat Mews.  Yes, right there, that's fine.  Go ahead, I don't bite."

Fake or Fiction?

"Oh dear," Mews says drearily.  "Controversy looms and threatens my presence on Facebook where a gentlecat is able to connect with other gentlecats.  My quiet Sunday is leading towards an agitated Monday.  You know what really chases my tail?  Facebook is calling me 'fake.'  Fake!  I assure you there is nothing fake about me.  I must say I'm appalled at such accusations.  A gentleman is inclined to get angry and accuse them of all manner of impropriety.
  
Apparently, Facebook claims that they want to maintain the integrity of their site by keeping people "real" but I suspect they have no use for gentlecats since they won't be crawling our data and using it for future marketing purposes.  Honestly, fake.  How dare they?  It's catscrimination at its ugliest!  I shall send for Quigley and have him bring over his finest port to calm my nerves."  
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/TECH/social.media/08/05/pets.facebook.networks/index.html#fbid=nfMsr2ooK90&wom=true

Mr Mews Week in Review

"Indeed, so much has happened this week.  Strange gifts, potential book burnings, a mysterious invitation.  I shall sit back and muse over all that has happened.  But before I do that I shall take in a little entertainment, "What's Opera Doc."  I invite you to do the same."
http://www.spike.com/video/whats-opera-doc/2779535

And here's that delightful peppercorn pork recipe.  Enjoy!

http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2009/09/peppercorn-roasted-pork-with-vermouth-pan-sauce

Mr Mews Receives an Invitation

"What are you looking at Mr. Mews?"  Quigley asks as he sips his Lapsang Souchong.  

"Well, I'm just taking a look around the courtyard for newcomers.  Look here-I received this invitation this morning.  I shall read it to you Quigs."

Dear Sir,

We have yet to become acquainted and this

invitation aims to remedy that unfortunate

situation.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I am

Horst, and I am new to the building.  I am from

Bavaria.  Won't you join me soon for a fine 

Pilsner and some wursts and spatzle?

Yours, Horst

"Fascinating.  A Bavarian.  Yet, new to the building.  But Mews, the only ones new to the building are the canines!"

"Quigley, relax.  We don't know that.  Besides, Horst couldn't be a canine-look how well he writes-like a cultured sophisticate.  I shall RSVP immediately."  Quigley hops over and rests a wing on Mews' paw.

"Don't you think you ought to find out who this Horst is before you RSVP?"

Mr Mews Awakes to Learn that Pastor Jones has Canceled the Koran Burning

Mr Mews awakes from a mid afternoon nightmare.  He calls Quigley for reassurance and indeed that is what he receives.

"Yes, didn't you hear Mews?  The Pastor has called off the burning of the Koran."  Relieved, Mews nods his head.  

"That is indeed good news Quig.  I has the most horrendous apocalyptic dream.  In it, my favorite blanket burst into flames.  I do say, these attention seeking agitators really get my goat.  It is a good thing that the uncivilized brute has canceled his madness."

"Yes, Mews, it is good.  It's a relief to know that civilized persuasion can and is still effective in our modern times." 

Mr Mews Considers Learning an Instrument

"That gentlecat really knows how to play the piano Mews-I must say I'm also quite impressed."

"Yes, Quigley, I think this might be just the hobby I was looking for.  Or do you think I'm too old to learn a new tune?"

"Goodness sakes Mews, you're never too old to learn a new tune!"
  
"Now, to find the instrument that will suit me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ860P4iTaM

Another Mysterious Gift Has Arrived

"I believe it's a music box Quigley.  No, no idea where it came from or that snail for that matter."

"Perhaps you have a secret admirer Mr Mews."

"Oh, that's silly.  Who could possible be admiring me?"  Mews looks out the window and considers the possibilities.

"Perhaps," Quigley says with a twinkle in his eye, "Phillipa has had a change of heart."

"No, that couldn't be.  Why would she be sending me gifts when she won't even return my calls. No, I'm afraid her heart is cold and still when it comes to me.  I have a feeling it's someone else."

"I believe we should discuss this further over dinner tonight Mews.  I have a lovely new Claret I'd like to share with you."

"Sounds simply delightful, Quigs.  I shall whip up a peppercorn roasted pork with a vermouth pan sauce that may go nicely with your Claret." 

Basketball vs Poetry

"There is a basket.  And there is a ball.  I'm not quite sure if I can bring the two together, but, okay.  I like the concept and yes, it is quite a workout.  Still, baskets and balls are two different objects in my world.  It is frankly odd, that grown men with tattoos and muscles make millions delivering a ball into a basket while I toil away in obscurity writing the most clever of sonnets, poems and essays.  Perhaps my time has past.  Perhaps a thinking man's time has past. Perhaps that has always been the gentleman's fate.  Indeed, perhaps I long for a past and a future that has never been.  Perhaps I should just, as they say, "get with it."  Perhaps I should stop saying "perhaps."  

Mews Searches for a New Hobby

"A new hobby Mews?  Really, aren't you busy enough between our morning philosophical debates and your sonnet writing?"

"Yes, my poetry does keep me busy-and you do keep me on my toes, Quigs.  I don't know, I've just been feeling a hint of ennui lately.  Perhaps it's the changing of the weather."  Mews looks away, takes a breath and sighs.  "I feel as if a new hobby might break me out of this spell and offer me a new perspective."  Quigley nods and pecks at his tea.
   
"Indeed, you might join me at my town meetings," Quigley suggests.

"No, no, no.  I'm afraid those town meetings would give me an irreversible case of heartburn.  No Quigs, a real hobby.  Like stamp collecting, or golf.  You know, like regular people."

"Golf?  Hmm.  I've never played.  I did almost get pummeled once by one of those little balls mid air.  I don't know Mews, you could never be "regular."  Mews takes in the scent of his Earl Gray.

"I'll have to give this some thought Quigs.  Quite a bit of thought in fact." 

A Mysterious Gift Appears

"What on earth has you so riled up Mews?  Indeed, what is that oddly shaped object?"

"I'm not sure.  Some sort of aquatic beast.  Oh, but, oh isn't it a crack up Quigs?"  Mews is laughing so hard he can barely get the words out.  "It's the strangest creature.  I do believe its eyes are on the ends of those two wriggling stalks.  Here, come closer and take a look my friend."

I'm not so sure Mews.  Where exactly did it come from?  It could be toxic, indeed, poisonous, no? You say you found it on your doorstep?  Who on earth leaves strange snails on doorsteps?"

"Goodness you've become so suspicious lately Quiqley.  It's a harmless little prank.  Come, I've got a pot of Oolong brewing.  It'll smooth out all of those paranoid feelings you've been having lately."  

"Paranoid, you say?  Perhaps I'm just not quite as reckless with my curiosity as you Mews." 

Mr Mews Prepares for Labor Day

Mr Mews considers the weekend ahead of him.  "I think I shall relax this weekend.  I will sit back, sip a Manhattan, and review the events of the week.  Much has occured: a power outage, an unfinished sonnet, more canine additions to the building, and my personal coup de grace-the elimination of my poetry rejection letters.  Quite a week, my friends.  Quite a week."

Quigley Agitates Mews to Get Active

"Oh dear, I'm sorry Mews, I didn't realize you were meditating.  I do apologize for such a rude interruption."

"Yes, yes, it's fine Quigs.  Come and have a seat-I've got a fresh pot of Lapsang Souchong brewing."

"No, no sorry I don't have time."

"In a rush?  Do tell, what takes you away from a mid afternoon tea?  I've got some decidedly moist cheddar and bacon scones-have you forgotten it's science Friday?"

"Haven't the time Mews.  I have bigger fish to fry.  Haven't you heard the latest news Mews?  Two more canines have moved into the building."

"Oh dear, where?"

"In the basement."

"Well, I suppose that's where they belong.  As long as they aren't across the hall."

"Some of us are having a meeting tonight Mews,"  Quigley says lowering his voice.  "I urge you to join us.  I simply can't stand for this.  Three, indeed, three canis lupus familiaris in the building!  No, this won't stand.  It's a slippery slope my friend."

"No, no," Mews says waving a paw.  "You go and report back to me.  I'm not sure I'm up for this sort of rally today."

"Very well, Mews.  But this isn't the last you'll hear of this issue, believe you me."

Mr Mews Gets Attacked!

"Mews, why so down?  I do hate to see you so low."

"Oh, I'm just feeling a little bruised is all, nothing that won't fade Quigs."

"Do tell, do tell.  Let me guess.  You went online and entered the comment pages in some political venue. What did I tell you about those forums?  Leave the barbarian hordes for me to dive bomb and peck at."

"You know me so well, Quigley.  I'm afraid my gentlemanly demeanor, my keen observations and refined comments are not appreciated-indeed-if they are even heard.  I'd be better off running loose at the Westminster Dog Show than staying alive on those forums.  Good God man, where is my Jameson?  And turn up that Mozart would you?"

Mr Mews Reacts to a Madman

"Quigley, really, what is the world coming to?  A man holds the Discovery channel building hostage.  What a most rough and tumble fellow.  What, pray tell, do you call a man who hates his own?"

"A misanthrope."  Mews turns to Quigley and frowns.

"I know that Quigs, I was being rhetorical.  What a wretch he must have been hating his own species.  I can't image such self-loathing.  I believe I feel a tinge sorry for the old man."

"Sorry Mews?  My goodness, he was a beast of the ultimate order!"

"I do say Quigley, your heart is growing harder by the minute."

"It's a hard world Mews, one cannot wear one's whiskers-or feathers in my case-on his sleeve.  Now for more important matters-dinner tonight.  How about a splendid cheese souffle?" 

Mr Mews Rejects Quigley's Snack Food

"How dreadful.  What on earth are you pecking at Quigley?"

"A protein bar.  It gives me energy in a pinch.  If you don't approve, then look away my friend."

"I'm afraid I can't avert my eyes away from this unseemly food travesty.  In fact, I daresay calling that seed and sugar brick "food" is an injustice to real food-braised cornish hens, juicy and robust racks of lamb; heaven sent filet mignons glazed with Gorgonzola.  No, that food product that you are consuming is not food.  It belongs in a military ration, locked in a freezer in Antarctica or a bomb shelter in rural Kansas."  Wearily, Quigley responds as he gulps down a chunk of Peanut Delight.

"I'm a busy man Mews.  I can't always stop for brie and gerkins.  I'm sorry that you disapprove."

"Eh.  I suppose I've had my low moments too Quigs.  I'll have a gift basket sent to your address this evening stuffed with the finest of escargot and pate.  That should keep you stocked for a good week."

"Mews, you really are the most generous man I know."

Mr Mews Picks up a Pen

"I'm a bit topsy turvy this morning Quigley.  You'll have to excuse me if I'm a bit punchy.  You see the power went out last night while I was in the middle of composing a sonnet."
  
"Indeed, I must have slept through it.  What ever on earth did you do?"

"I'll tell you what I did, I lit a candle and picked up a pen-the old fashioned way.  Oh I must say it was delightful-I feel quite invigorated-although it's true I didn't exactly get around to finishing my poem.  And it's also true that I have yet to publish even one of them.  While I feel inspired that pile of rejection letters sitting in my desk drawer plagues me like a swarm of locusts."

"For goodness sakes Mews, take them out of there this instant and toss them in the trash.  Honestly, how you punish yourself so."
 
"Perhaps you're right Quigley.  Perhaps it's time to do a bit of a clearing house."

"Good man!  There's no time like the present Mews!"